I miss you. Like still after everything.
It's kind of sad isn't it? How you don't give two shits and you're probably smoking a spliff atm with all your ex girl friends in your apartment in the middle of sunny Portugal right now.
Yet when I had met up with G and E.. All I could think about was you. They were messing about and fooling around and I felt like the biggest cockblock but they're cute. They're like made for each other in a way. It makes me envy them.
I thought we were good you know... We might not be into the same things and we have different opinions on things.. But some people say "opposites attract" and I guess that was what happened.
I haven't had a decent nights sleep since I've been back from uni. I was able to sleep in my bed at uni but now I roll around aimlessly, unable to sleep because I'm thinking about you. After sharing a single bed with you.. My single bed feels empty without you. I want to be squished on a tiny bed with you. I don't mind if the duvet has a mind of its own and decides to be a retard and fall out of the covers. I don't mind hitting my head on your wardrobe. I don't mind falling off the bed when I roll over in a strop because at least you'll be there to catch me and poke fun at me.
I miss the way you used to stroke my cheek and the way you used to look at me. I was always convinced you had some motive for looking at me in that way but you always managed to tell me you were just appreciating and enjoying my presence. I felt safe whenever you said that. I was scared you found me loud and annoying. But I should have known you were trouble. I know I'm not pretty or do I have an "amazing body" so why was I stupid enough to believe you?
We went to Trafalgar Square and we were by the fountains and I asked E for money to make a wish. At first I wished for good grades in my exam, I wished for an amazing happy christmas and then I thought of you. Pathetic right? I still remember how you asked me to come back to Portugal with you. Did you mean it? Like were you serious? You were gonna show me how beautiful Portugal was and how the weather was so much better there and how you would have everything sorted money wise and I wouldn't have to worry about anything. You gave me so much false hope, a ridiculous amount that I can't forget.
My dad keeps teasing me, asking when I will get married and if I will ever get a boyfriend and I remember I nearly told him about you when he asked me two months ago. But I'm glad I didn't because we didn't last. What were we to be honest? Just a couple of friends? Now we aren't even friends. Not even Facebook friends.