I think I can get over you.

Today, I had some sort of eureka moment and BAM why do I need you in my life? You don't exactly treat me amazingly seeing as you've made me cry at least 3 times before you broke up with me. If I was happy, I shouldn't be crying.
You are also the complete opposite of me. We have such opposing views on life, how did we think we were going to work out? I like Kung fu panda and you like Prometheus. They're like on the other ends of the spectrum. The only thing we probably had in common was the size of our waists, you skinny fuck.
I was also scared of you too.. In some bizarre way. I shouldn't have been but I was. I felt that I was still like a child around you. I haven't seen the world like you, nor am I experienced in relationships or sex, nor am I super clever and mature. I guess that made me feel small and dumb when I saw how passionate you were when you were discussing about politics and stuff like that, and how I had no contribution whatsoever. I'm the type of girl who miaowed when your housemate was getting pissed off because he likes cat and I wanted him to be happy.
I could never speak to you either about serious things because to me, you are my kryptonite. I didn't want you to think that I'm stupid or petty or pathetic. I didn't want to say anything that would have made you think of me less or something that would scare a person with commitment issues like you away. I really honestly did have things to say to you. I had speeches in my head that I had practiced so many times but when I saw how cold and emotionless you were towards me, I just couldn't bring myself to. It really hurt when you would come over and not hug me or kiss me and that serious look you had on, made it feel like I was seeing the head teacher. You were so strict, demanded answers and just looked so pissed off, how did you expect me to open up to you?
You always told me off for making these silly faces and silly noises but did you know I only made them out of affection. They were, in a way, an expression that I liked you, but not put into words. I'm a clumsy, dorky kind of person and I'm definitely not smooth with my words, so when I tickled you and made those weird noises, I just wanted to say "I like you".

So yeah, I thought we were good. We could have been good. Nothing serious but we had some good feelings I guess? But I'm also glad we didn't get serious because you don't understand me. You probably think I'm childish and needy but I'm just an old fashioned, true romantic. I enjoy the chase and its like my favourite part of a relationship. I like spending time with you and actually having a conversation that lets me get you a little bit more. I like having you around me where we act like like little children on a playground, playing kiss chase and hiding our kisses from everyone and holding hands. I like it when you get a little jealous and say "no, I don't like him, he looks like a dick" when I mention other boys.
But I guess you just wanted sex.
I don't mind sex, but you were right, I wanted more. It felt right at the time. It felt like there was a connection between us and we could have been a great couple. But turns out everyone else was right. I couldn't change you. I really thought I could because I thought you liked me. But turns out I'm a massive idiot.

I'm slowly accepting our fate. I'll probably never see your room again, I'll probably never sleep in that bed again, I'll probably never kiss those lips again, I'll probably never hug you again or lie in your arms.
I'll probably never hold hands with you again. I'll probably never wake up with you next to me. In a way, I'm sad that I'll never do those things again with you because although our time together was short, I had a good time. I will treasure those memories. But I think its time I moved on. Time I found someone who won't break my heart. Someone who is willing to go past "just sex" with me. I don't know who it will be or what they look like, but wish me luck. I miss you and will always love you. We will always have something between us but you fucked me over and under the amount of Sellotape and glue used to fix my heart, is the scar you left when you told me we aren't right together.