I don't understand how I can still be sat here "missing you".

Do I actually miss you or do I miss having someone there?

Do I miss your kisses or do I miss kissing someone?

To be honest I don't even know why I'm even thinking about you.

I braved it, pretended I was fucking drunk and went "fuck it, #YOLO! Let me add him on fb again!"

It turns out that it was a stupid idea seeing as you haven't accepted.

HA.

It has proper crushed me for real. Knowing that you don't even want to be friends with me.

I'm so nervous about going back. I don't want to go back. It means I'll have to see you. I'll have to see you happy without me. It's not fair. I don't want you to be happy without me.

Can't I be selfish for once?

I don't know if I can pretend that we're fine anymore.

We're clearly not.

We hate each others' guts but we can't be honest with each other.

I really don't know how to act with you. Pretend to be your friend? Been there, done that. Result? Being ignored. Why don't you tell me how to act? Move out from the house? It seems like my only escape atm. I don't want to even think about that thought. I can't bear to part from the house and everyone. But I'm unhappy for the rest of the time. What should I do?

I thought that we wouldn't have to think about "breaking up" or separating from you until the summer... Turns out we didn't even make it through the first semester. G tells me how much E messages her random shit. I can't tell if it's just in his nature to be so playful and childish or because he actually likes her and cares about her. He's probably both childish and likes her. 

Yet again, I'm alone and thinking of you. Teary eyed and drowning in my own sorrow.

No matter how many times I pick myself up, I end up crying to myself at night.

It even hurts to cry now. 

I've definitely fallen deep this time and I don't know how to pick myself up. 

Help? Anyone? Please?