I have barely known you for a month and you're already someone I CAN'T get out of my head. What spell did you cast on me?
Why am I not like myself?
Why do I feel so desperate and needy emotional about everything?
I want to erase you from my memory but I can't.
Turns out I made the memories alone and you actually don't care about the memories at all. I'm so disappointed in myself... Normally, I would be in my fighting spirit and bubbly spirit.. I would be able to fight off these feelings but I can't seem to this time..
Turns out I read WAY too much into things..
I thought the ice cream promise was our thing.. According to you it's not. According to you, there's not a lot between us either.
Anything that I treasure.. You take for granted. Scrap that. You don't even realise it existed.
Why did you suddenly appear? Why did you HAVE to enter my life? Why couldn't you have stayed out of it? Why can't I let you go?
Nothing even happened between us... I guess that's why its harder to let go.
I'm tired of hoping and dreaming you'll come and find me.
I'll bury all the memories that make me smile when I'm stood there alone...
1) Skittles. The bogey green ones. How you took the whole packet and ate half before returning it back. How you hated how I threw them at you. How you called me a hobo for eating it off the sofa.
2) Trains. How you made me turn around so that I could see the man's sweaty armpit and to get a whiff of B.O. How I would grab onto the tiniest bit of your top to steady myself. How I have the worst sense of balance on trains and that my clumsiness would make you laugh. How that time we were on that crowded train and you stood behind me, where my hair was flying into your face and how you were close enough for my bum to touch you and make you smile. How when we would hold the hand rails and poles, our arms would touch. How that time we were waiting for the train and I received a text from you even though you were right next to me.
3) Food. That time when we were arguing over how to cook the food. When we made each other eat the wor tip. When you called me "butters" when I pulled my innocent face to make you go ask the woman. When you called me because you were a retard. When you fanned all the smoke and steam in my direction. When you were like "Wtf is jeal?!" because you're the biggest retard. When we wasted credit by texting each other when we were sat at opposite ends of the table. When you wouldn't eat anymore because you were upset over her. How we both don't seem to have a limit to how much we can eat and how you call me 'fei mui'. How we both get so hungry so late at night. That first time when we had sushi and you were constantly on your phone and I wanted to slap you.
4) Banter. How we argue about things and banter about everything. How we insult each other. How you were shocked when I said 'suck my dick'. How you and your brother smiled because you read 'PUQ U' and 'ARE U FOR SERIAL?'. How we always say 'Ihateyou' to each other. How you used to piss me off with your indecisiveness. That time you were like will you be okay going back without getting raped. How you always tried to take stalker pictures on your phone. How that one time you asked me for my phone and I was like why and you wouldn't answer me. Then I eventually gave you my phone and you were looking at something weird on it. How you were antisocial with your headphones so I told you off for it. When we had that pillow fight. When you called me fat over my 50 dollar frozen yogurt. How we always did that thing to bum and hit each other. How you used to poke me. How you found it hilarious I was actually ticklish. The awkward moment your brother said you wanted to see me wet. The time I called you to ask you where you were in the shopping centre and we were both walking in the same direction and then you said you could see me and I looked up to see you smiling. How you take the piss out of my impeccable taste for SHINee. How you let me borrow your money to buy that 450 dollar SHINee CD. How you actually lent the money to me even though you were tight on money. How when we were on the escalators you told me to follow the signs and hold onto the handrails and I told you I was a fearless bastard and didn't hold them.
5) Talking. That time you texted to say you were leaving. And how you left your phone number. How I took the piss out of your Essex accent and how you said I had a posh accent. How I sit here sometimes just waiting for you to log on to talk. How there's been so many times when I click back to Facebook and I see you talked to me, makes me smile.
But it's okay, these memories will just be something I'll remember.
Something I may never forget. I felt something different. I can't believe I thought they meant more.
Thank you for making these memories for me to cling on to, but I think I can let them go now...
Bye....... ♥
