15.04.12
Dear blog,
It's been so long since I properly blogged. I have been so busy doing a lot of things and enjoying life as it has hit me. And boy has it hit me like a whale falling from the sky.
Basically I need to confess. I have been atrocious at working hard. I have done fuck all. I am regretting it now.. I was lucky to have scraped my way through passing Economics but like I feel as if I have let myself down. Why can't I be a typical cute, hardworking Asian who occasionally selcas and has no life temporarily... BUT THEN becomes amazingly pretty and successful.. Like how the ugly duckling suffered but then grew up to be a beautiful, pure, white swan! But no. I seem to be wasting my days away at the moment. My priorities have not been made, I've been just cotching about and GRRRRRRRR I am just so disappointed in myself. =____="
I really need to step up my game! I really need to focus for the end of this semester and get a job or an internship for the summer AND get some dollars! I have failed miraculously already! >.<" I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE... :( but okay.. I really am going to man up. Grow some balls and take all the criticism, embarrassment and rejection that life has... and use it to grow up. >.<"
Plus I am really off boys at the moment... They're all so immature and "boyish"! I need a man, not a boy. Someone who will give me their jacket when I'm cold, someone who will hug me when I'm having a crap day, someone who will cuddle up with me under a duvet and watch crappy television for the rest of the evening, someone who will cook for me or bring me food when I'm feeling lazy, someone who will text me weird stuff and call me to tell me about them... It's just a simple dream that will probably never come true but it doesn't stop me from hoping that this BEAUTIFUL SEX GOD will fall from the sky and fireman's lift me home! ^^"
Meanwhile.. I need to confess some stuff... Well I went to Loughborough to visit my bum didn't I? Truthfully I was hoping that the boys would persuade us to go out with them a lot more... But still I had an AMAZING TIME SKANKING OUT WITH MY BUM <3 and eating the Himalayas worth of food, in the form of a luxurious Chinese banquet for two from Sainsbury's hahaha ^^ BUT something weird happened.. Like at some point in the night, we managed to find the boys! It was really awkward though because I know they were eager for J to come... And I'm not as hot as her so I could just tell they were disappointed. >.<" but screw that! They will just have to love me as I am... So in my lovely drunkenness.. I ALWAYS end up doing the really childish thing where you pretend that the victim you are playing the prank on has something on their top? Then they look down and there's nothing there and BAM you flick their nose. ^^ MUAHAHAHAHAHA well I might have done that to break the ice/tension/awkwardness... I KNOW IT'S PATHETIC AND TYPICALLY SOPPY.. BUT BUT... everyone knows I can't flirt. Flirting does not even come under my vocabulary. I really don't know how to... That was a pretty horrific confession coming from a girl... I actually get a massive F- for being a girl! >.<" but T there like held on to my finger when I did it and laughed at me... >.<" then I was like "no seriously look!" and pointed at the logo of his top and he was like "oh haha very funny! How drunk are you?!" then he was like "NOW touch it!" and so I touched it again and it turns out that he was flexing his pecs!!! *drools and dribbles* NOM. I was impressed and did want to see what was under his shirt... Just saying. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Then later on it turns out that R was talking to A and he was like "I HAVE A SECRET!" so me and A were intrigued... We were then drunken detectives and BAM we were on it! He was like going on about how he had a secret he could't tell us and we were even more intrigued because it was obvious it must have been about us! We managed to "gently persuade"=(violent attacks)R to tell us what it was and he was like "well T has a secret lil crush on someone!" and from the last time we were in Luf, J was hot property and everyone loved her so I assumed it was J again and screamed her name at R! I ended like drunkenly swaying away and well apparently T has a lil crush on me. I was mortified when I found out. All I could think in my head was that I was betraying J! Then later on in the night, we were just casually skanking out when I spot T watching from the sides... I told A and we went to talk to him. They talked whilst I crazily danced like a loser until some weirdo started to ask me to dance with him and refused my polite decline! So I whined to A and T and was like "OMG I'M BEING RAPED HERE! HELP ME!" then T was all weird and went well would you let me rape you and got all close and it took me a while to reply because he had caught me off guard and I felt like I was entranced by him... >.<" but I managed to reply with a cheeky "no" MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA then he disappeared and I didn't see him after that... But yeah I had the world's biggest conscience and felt like I was being a right whore but hopefully J knows I wasn't!
Second confession... During Easter we met up with J's keen lover! To describe him as keen is a bit of an understatement... But he is a nice guy overall so J get on him ^^ and well he had a really pretty friend! He is so pretty that I thought he was famous.. >.<" awks I know but yeah basically... J wanted to go and say hi to her lover so I went with her and well I just stood behind her as she talked to him and smiled politely at everyone although I couldn't really see what everyone looked like because my usual blindness PLUS beer goggles.. = blur. HAHA! But yeah after we said our greetings we left because I BROKE THE SEAL AND NEEDED TO PEE AGAIN! But after I came out, J's lover was there and I didn't think any of it. Turns out that his friend said that I was hot! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I really honestly don't believe him because I'm really not pretty! >.<" awkward! So when we went to go back and get them to drag them the new venue it was a bit awkward.. I was walking with him and it was dead silent. We were both shy and acted like little kids!GAHHHH how embarrassing. And in the pub, everyone was trying to set up us... which made it even more forced and awkward! He is a nice guy.. but we can't be friends... HE'S AN ARSENAL FAN. Repent him! But yeah he offered me half his chair so I could sit and I may have accidentally kicked him because my legs are a little bit on the short side and so I kick my legs about a bit... And I think he misunderstood it for flirting! Like I was playing footsies with him! OMG HOW CRINGE. I would never play something like that! >.<" so awks! GAHHHHHH then he trapped my foot and seemed extremely smug about it.. GAHHHH then HE STOLE MY CHIP. Stealing food is definitely a no-no.. but I let him off... GAHHHHH!! He really is really pretty! I can assure you this! But there hasn't been any afterwards/follow up.. So I guess he probably isn't keen... >.<" but maybe if Cupid, you do exist, please do not hesitate to encourage him to talk to me... I promise I don't have vicious teeth that will eat him and I do want to get to know him!
Before I leave you for today, I just want to say.. For this semester.. I promise I will change for the better... Work hard... PARDY HARD AND YES I WILL PARTY WITH A D ^^
I've finished with my rambles now and much love... <3
A x x x
