Mugged off.

29.04.12 Dear Mr Blog, I have never felt like I did this morning after I had come back from my night out. I felt like I was going to break down. My heart was going to collapse from all the things I just couldn't hack. I just want to ask why did you invite me to come down and see you guys? What was the point? To rub in my face how you had totally moved on? How you are now a player and can score any girl? Or was it just to be a dick and snog a girl in front of me? Did you actually not think about how I felt? I have done nothing wrong to you... And you treat me like utter shit. Thanks. Thanks a lot. When I saw you, I pretended to play on my phone so I didn't have to awkwardly look at you as I walked over behind my housemate... But then you were the one to come up to me and hug me straight away... Why? If you are with another girl don't look all sincere and flirtatious with me. I'm not a pushover. You can't treat me like that. I actually secretly wished you would be looking over at me like "Wow, what am I doing not talking to her over there when she looks like that tonight?!" I wanted you to feel like a moron for suddenly not texting me. I wanted you to feel like an idiot for letting me go for no reason. But you didn't. You just added more pain and more shit to my life. I hope you're happy. I hope you have an amazing life with this girl who you've only really met. You were still texting me 8 days before the night we went out. HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?! Do I suddenly not exist? Do you actually hate me that much? How much did you like me? Clearly not as much as you made out. The words you used to say to me is utter bullshit now. You said I was pretty and amazing and clever and funny and lovely... BULLSHIT. You sure know how to flatter a girl. Just to let you know, I believed all the stuff you said to me, every single word. I trusted you. You said you weren't like all the other guys out there. You were telling me how you were different because you were brought up in a ladies environment. You told me I didn't need make-up and I was still beautiful. Stunning too. But now what... A fuck load of bollocks. You're just like all the other dicks out there. I wish you hadn't talked to me and I wish I hadn't to talk to you. Or sit there like a fool to wait for you to text back... You should have grown some balls to tell me you moved on. You pussy. I have never felt that low before in my life, considering some shit I've been through. Heart break is one of the worst pains. I drunk so much I could feel vomit in the back of my throat. But I still carried on drinking. I would snatch any drink from anyone if they offered.. I just wanted to drown away the pain that was eating away at my heart. My heart sunk and hit the floor with a massive thud when I turned around and you were just at it with this girl. In my head all I could think of was "Oh my fuck. I'm going to cry." It fucking hurt to see you completely ignore me. I wasn't the centre of your attention even though you made out that I was amazing... Why did I even come to see you do that? I felt my heart crumble into little pieces. Not because you were kissing her.. But because you took the trust I gave you, threw it on the floor, stomped on it a few times and kicked it into the gutter. You took the friendship and feelings that I had for you and sold it to the devil. You left me disappointed. Yet again. I thought you were different. You would mean something to me. Even if it was just a friendship... But no. You mugged me off. Left me looking like a fool. I tried to joke around and laugh it off, smacking your bum with everyone else. It didn't work. I just sucked in the tears and had to look away. That image will haunt me forever. The image of betrayal of trust. And the image of a dick. Don't you ever dare come back into my life. I feel nothing towards you. My heart is just numb when I think about you. I couldn't even cry it out because it hurt that much. You actually broke me. You physically made my life shitter. Why do people like you like to gain my trust then dump it back in my face like I mean nothing to you? I may laugh everyday and smile but I'm still human. I'm still a girl. I'm only small. I can't handle shit like this. I barely slept last night too. I usually sleep like a hippo. I shut my eyes yet all I could think about is how you fucked me about. I felt so unsettled. Felt so little. I'm not a confident person and you've made me feel smaller. Thank you. Thank you so much for being a dick. You made me realise how crappy this world was... I lost a bit of hope and faith too. Then what kind of person am I now I've lost hope and faith? I'm just a shell. Thank you again. Yours Sincerely, Just a piece of shit.