Today, I met up with a great person in my life.
Without this person, I'm pretty sure I would be more stubborn than an old fart. Maybe an old fart of a cow too. They don't understand how I appreciate them and laugh it off as me "flirting" T__T but seriously, I don't know how else to show my affection. ;) kekeke
So well today, like they said a phrase that stuck to my head like how my pancakes stick to a pan when I try to toss them.. >.<" (I suck at pancake making. O__O)
"Why do you do it? Does it make you happy? If not, why do you think so little of yourself?"
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 'I don't know' is all I can really answer to these questions.
Although I came up with petty, pathetic excuses to fend them off earlier, I still feel I owe myself to find out the answers of the questions..
Why do I do it? Because I don't like letting go on things that I've made an effort with. I don't want to forget the memories and how I felt so happy. >.<" I don't want to throw everything away...
Does it make me happy? This one was hard. >.< Yes and No.
I feel happy because it makes them happy. I'm a simple person. Like an amoeba. I only really need for everyone else around me to be smiling and my eye smiles curl up and my lips turn into a Cheshire cat grin. But then no. I hate how sometimes I get so possessive and Hulk-green with jealousy. I hate how I can't wish for them to be unhappy. I hate how I am sometimes. :/ I just do.
Why do I think so little of myself? Well reality check... Who am I to think I'm a great person? I'm just one in however many people live on this world. It's a stupid thought but it's just the ugly truth of society right? :/ and of course I'll put everyone before me. It's because I treasure you guys. If I didn't I wouldn't give two shits. I wouldn't get so worked up or like so upset. So upset, I drown the heartache by pretending I like someone else and falsely fall for them.
I think in a few days time, I'm going to end this year of misery I've put myself through.
You deserve at least this right?? :/
Today... 5/10.
xx
