I finally have the guts to finally blog about you.

It's finally time to start getting over you...

I've tried avoiding it because I don't want to... >.<"

I hate the thought of having to forget you.. You meant something to me. :(

But it would be really stupid of me to hold on to the invisible, imaginary story I made up in my head... Oh wait, I did hold on to it.. T_T

It's about time I let go...

I never imagined you would make such an impact on my life.

Mark sprung you on me which shocked me! -_-"

 Like I didn't really notice you were there when I found the group but you were introduced as "Chicago" and that's my first memory of you... I remember being awkward at first, but you were really nice and kept the conversation flowing with your fresh fobby accent! You changed my life...

I miss you so much... I don't think it's even describable...

When I tell my friends about you, I apparently get the cheesiest grin on my face and my eyes look like -.- yes just physical lines on my face where my eyeballs have been consumed by happiness!

I don't even know how we got so close so fast...

You made me seem like a jealous bitch. =.=

Yet you made me fall for you like a fan girl.

You made me feel angry, sad, possessive... so basically you made me a cry T_T

Yet you made me feel so lucky.. You treated me like how I've always wanted... <3 p="p">I'm still confused as to what I am to you today..
Am I just the little sister who you thought was cute? Or did you like me the way I liked you?!
OMG THIS FRUSTRATES ME SO MUCH... You're just like every other guy I like... I'm clearly into you but you all treat me like a little girl and leave me hanging. T.T do I really look like such a frigging pushover that you all blow hot and cold on me and take me for granted?! >:0

But like I kind of have a gut instinct that you didn't like me.

How can you possibly like me?

You're ex is like model hot. She is like dead pretty, tall, leggy, booby with probably a mature attitude on life... So a million times better than me right? I'm just a baby. Too immature and too childish and not charming enough to be exact..

Then why did you let me tease you and steal your nametag? You 바보... Why did you carry my stuff when I made you? You should have said no! You 멍청 아! Why did you make fun of me so much?! Was it that funny?! You always called me a baby! =.= I wasn't a baby! You 나쁜놈! Why is it then whenever we ate we acted like a couple?! =.= we would argue over the most silly things EVER! Like who got to look at the menu... And who could eat what... And then you would go steal my food anyway! =.= why did you secretly pay for my food and not ask for it back?! I WAS KIDDING WHEN I SAID PAY FOR ME... >.<" Why did you always hint that I liked you?! "You know when you say you hate something, but you secretly like it".... =.= you big headed boy! >.< maybe I didn't like you...
But you were horrible too.. Like that day you were in such a bad mood.. You completely ignored me and like got all angry when I took your nametag and money like I normally did... :/ JUST WTF. I was being normal... I'm sorry you were all sleepy and needed to go out but you were just rude! >:0 and when you broke the millions of promises and 약속 that we would go to the tower... just utter bullshit and lies. And how you went to talk to the Japanese girls, when you knew I was upset at you... 씨발놈. Tbh whenever you talked about other girls pissed me off too. =.= really?! You had to talk about how you found another girl cute when you would always say I was really cute and that my eyes were all round and shiny with my cuteness?! =_________=" No! Not cool!
But at least you always apologised in the cutest way ever... the way you would nudge me and be like "are you angry? Don't be, I'll buy you ice cream!" ^.^ your stupid smile always melted my anger away!
Then you would imitate me in some random way! How you copied my British accent but failed and sounded like a noob! Or how you would copy my facial expressions! =.= or the supposed "cute noises" I made?! WAHHHHHHH you bully! Then you used my like trick on me ALL the time! You massive piece of poop!
OMG you were all typical asian bf kind of like type too... You shocked me that day you like took my bag... I swear only boyfriends took their girlfriends bag.. and it meant that you were whipped... You used that weird reasoning that my bag was really nice... o.O what were you thinking?! And when we were eating korean BBQ and you refused to be fed by Courtney and sulked on your phone and like went home "to study" so broke your promise AGAIN... =.= but then when I asked you to help me cos my Korean was shockingly bad and your friends came over with ice cream, why did you feed me the ice cream?! >.<" you shoved it in my face in front of ALL our friends!!! OMGAHHH O.O I wanted the ground to swallow me whole then. As much as I thoroughly enjoyed being fed by you >.<" how blatantly obviously cringey was it for the both of us?! >________________< you made my heart bungee jump, my tummy somersault like it was competing in the Olympics and my face was glowing crimson!
Wahhhhhhhhhh I hate you so much >.<" and I don't understand a few things...
I wonder where I stand in your heart... Apparently I'm second place. Ha. Thanks.
So I guess sharing that ice cream in Baskin Robbins was just a "friendly" thing.. >.<" but teaching you to eat that ice cream was the funniest too! You eat so messily! =.= always too slurpy and too quickly too! I'm surprised you aren't like a fat, morbidly obese ahjussi!

What was wrong with how I talked to you?? You complained saying that I talked to you differently.. MAYBE COS I FANCIED THE PANTS OFF YOU. =.= so I felt like my heart was going hella cray... Apparently I happened to act cuter around you too... did you notice that?! HUH?! >.<"
And why at first did you like force me to call you "오빠" =.= to then being like Voldemort kind of heartless, saying that I couldn't call you that... Was it because you heard me call everyone else that? Or were you just fed up of my voice...
And I miss holding your arm and hiding behind you...
And I miss the times we would accidentally hold hands and then be all awkward...
And I miss your stupid face rapes! Seriously who taught you face rape?! o.O =__="

Haaaaaa... look how soppy I am... I even remember the smallest things.

Pathetic right?

Well I don't even know what I'm doing but I can't forget the last day when I left. 

It's making my brain explode. I don't understand what you meant by it. Maybe I'm reading WAAAAY into things again...

But like I was so happy when I got to talk to you when we were in the bar in downtown Incheon... It was like my opportunity to spend time with you before I left... And I'm really happy we got to talk for the time we did but then you did the worst thing ever.

You left.

Just what the fuck? How could you? Without saying goodbye either.

You BROKE your promise YET AGAIN.

I thought you said you were gonna stay out all night to party with us. Clearly not.

I actually cried when the remainder of us went to WA bar.

I just couldn't understand why you would just go.

That's when I found out I barely made it into your top 10 girls... I know it's immature to judge it this way but I'm a girl... I need reassurance. But wow. It turns out that I don't even like cross your brain at all... When you are all that sits in my tiny pea sized brain.

So yeah.. guess how great my night was. The boy I was fucking crazy over didn't even like me and then frigging left.

I tried so hard to forget you that night. I tried flirting and like desperately threw myself at someone else. But all I could think about was you. I wished it was you there instead of him. 

So the next day, I was pretty nervous when I asked Alex to wake you up... 

I convinced myself that you wouldn't want to see me so that's why you went home early...

I was so glad when you came down the stairs in your blue t-shirt, glasses and towel around your neck. The silly looking ahjussi that I liked.

You didn't come up to hug me first and you seemed really down... 

I thought it was because you knew I was angry at you, but how could I be angry at you when I fancied the pants off you. 

So I braved it and came to you first...

You said that you were sad cos I was leaving. 

That melted my heart.

I wanted to be angry at you but I just couldn't.

I asked you why you went home early then... Like if you're going to be upset that I'm leaving... then why leave early the night before?! Shouldn't you have been making the most out of the time that we had left?!

Then you explained how like everyone was drunk and needed to get back and that you had to help them, and that you wanted to come back cos you knew how upset I was but it was already late and the security guard wouldn't let you and you nearly had a fight with him... 

You were tearing up and I felt so bad... All I could do was hug you and say "no it's okay"

You're usually really shit at hugs.. so rigid and like emotionless but when you hugged me back, it was nice... like you meant it too...

We then went to the roof, just for the last 30 mins before I had to go.

This was the worst 30 mins ever.

I just kept hoping it would never end.

You hugged me from behind at one point and just rested your chin on my head.

I felt like going crazy. WHO DOES THAT TO JUST A FRIEND?!
You were the quietest I had seen you been in the 3 weeks we spent together so I asked you what was wrong.. You replied saying that it was because I was leaving and that you would miss me.
I believed you like a fool... I was so happy but I pretended that I didn't care and said you were talking bullshit... You would never miss my bullying and how I got angry at you... But you said you would... Well maybe hahaha you silly fool... Who is stupid enough to miss that?! And then you told me how that you hated it when I was upset at you because you didn't want to be a bad person and you would get really sad, so as revenge, you would pretend to be mad at me?! So that I would feel the same way you felt when I was angry at you... OMG how old are you?! That was so petty! T_T
Then you pulled me into a proper hug.
I miss your hugs and how I felt so safe to be with you.
But just WTF. You mind fuck me so much.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK?! Frigging bastard.
Then how you said you couldn't cry in front of me but supposedly cried as I left...
Then how you told me to stop crying or you would cry too...
But the worst was what you wrote on my nametag..
Do friends honestly write "I love you so much"??!!
I couldn't believe you wrote that... You're the first person to ever say that to me.
That's probably why it makes it so much harder for me to get over you... You created all these emotional strings and I'm completely entangled, whilst you sit there tugging at the strings occasionally, when it pleases you...
You even promised me that you were seriously considering coming to England. But now, yet again I'm left disappointed because I know you'll never come..

Knowing that you only liked me for like a few days when I was still "London China" hit me hard.
Looking back at it makes me feel SO stupid...
I thought you said you liked cute girls.
HA. I guess not.. But why was I stupid enough to change myself for you?!
Note to self: NEVER change yourself for boys. They aren't worth it.
And well I can't believe you strung and led me along for those 3 weeks.. You went to Korea mainly to meet up with your ex-gf to see if you could get back together... But why be a douche and be so nice to me? You could have just gone and rekindled whatever you guys had.. Why did you let me fall for you then? Eughhhhh you're seriously a massive dickface for doing that. If it was complicated already, you complicated it more by adding me to the equation.
And the worst thing is, is that I still have to be your friend when I just want to hate you.
I am trying my best to get over you but I physically can't.
Christmas day is also your birthday and apparently it's a really important day for Japanese people.. It's like a couple day. One of the most romantic days of the year... But like whatever you decide to do for this birthday will end up killing me. I can't even bear to think of you with another girl. It fucking hurts. Seeing you like being so flirty and touchy with like everyone in Korea... and seeing you take pictures with other girls and like meet up with like all these super skinny bitches annoys the hell out of me.

I want to forget you but I can't.
I can't forget all you at all.
Like when we were eating lunch that one time and you were being so extra nice... My hair had gotten in the way of the menu so you'd be playing with my hair and then ask my what I had ordered to try and copy me.. And how you eat so messily and noisily! I was like the complete opposite of you, a total lady! =.= and how you would always order a taro bubble tea then call me boring for ordering my favourite flavour... Then how you tried stealing my food off my plate... and wtf were you doing when we went to get chicken and I leaned over to get like something and you pushed me over and left like lying across your lap?! And then at the palace where you would steal my umbrella and put it really high so I couldn't reach it and then just how you walked like beside me most of the time we would be walking somewhere...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH seriously.
I hate you.
What have you done to me?