In a way, I think we have gone backwards on our progress of moving on and becoming friends. Even in my drunkenness, I noticed you move away from me, time after time, forcefully placing you somewhere awkwardly squished between two of the boys, than sit in the huge space next to me. Why are you doing this again? What have I done? Am I really that offensive to you? Is my company that bad? I remember you used to love us just laying or sitting there in each others company. Now you avoid me more than the plague. It's pretty obvious too, seeing as you don't hesitate or take your time to avoid me. You just get up and leave.
At first, I thought everything was fine. We were playing ride the bus and you had to down your glass.. Seeing as the whole deck appeared. Then you all accused me of cheating because I was super lucky and got it right. You also tried to make me ride the bus with a ridiculous set of cards that didn't belong to me... Why are you trying to be so demanding and right all the time? Well fuck you because you were wrong. You were super wrong about me cheating. And fuck you for not trusting me. I cannot freaking believe that you would deliberately be like "watch this" and gave G the cards saying that you trusted her. What the fuck. What. The. Actual. FUCKERY. Pretty bitchy move there.
Then for some reason I couldn't do my shoelace up. You looked at me and my retarded ways and tried to help me. Turns out you're super wankered too and we both can't do it. You like grabbed my foot as I tried to run away from you and forced yourself to try again. Obviously you were too fucked and so I refused and tried to run away even more so you got up and sat down next to me, trapping my leg so that you could patronise me with that tone of yours.. "You cross them over and then you loop to make the bunny..." HA. Fail. Stubborn not to lose, you ran away going to practice as I tried to sit there and concentrate. You ran back to prove me wrong and I tried distracting you by undoing your shoelaces... Didn't work but I guess we both completely forgot about how close we were and we had some physical contact... It felt so normal. Then at one point during the night, I remember sitting next to you and then H's friend J came along to talk to me and he told me to shuffle up so that he could sit on the sofa instead of the arm. It was the smaller two seater sofa so I kind of had to sit close to you. My leg touching your leg like how we used to sit. Even though I was probably talking to one of the most beautiful human beings to exist, the attention I craved the most was from you. I remember you talking to J in Spanish and French and you had you elbows on top of my knee and hands over my leg, leaning over me like you used to. I don't know if you noticed that.. But I was really happy... I was leaning back on the sofa whilst you were sat up as you were in charge of the music and all of a sudden I had the biggest urge to play with your back as I spoke to J. How I used to stroke you and run my fingers up and down your spine, whilst making little patterns. You didn't seem to mind at first and then J complained that he wanted this treatment too and then you turned around and asked me why I was playing with your back. You were pretty blunt and aggressive. I felt really bad.. Disappointed and in a way, I felt hurt. You used to let me... Do you really not like it that much? It doesn't mean anything. It's just something I would do to anyone else. Is there some sort of meaning to the male species that I'm not aware of? But I know from then on, you avoided me like a bitch.
J is such a lovely guy. I don't think I have ever seen such a good looking model who isn't a massive dick. Tbh he's just like one of the boys. A huge dork on the inside but just super hot. He was so lovely.. I felt so comfortable talking to him. I must have chatted a lot of shit... Fml. Cringe. Face palm. And I really hope that you saw. I hope that you could see me moving on with someone who looks like an absolute living sex god. I wanted you to feel as if you missed out and I wanted you to see how close me and J were getting. Just like how you got so close to that weird Hull girl with the weird tattoos because you liked "being chatted up" even if it was one of the "butters" chicks as it does make you feel good. Well I just got one up on you so suck my dick.
Apparently you were ridiculously high last night. You had taken 3 lines. I thought you told me you didn't do it anymore... But I guess times have changed and you aren't the same person that I knew. You were apparently dancing outside your room and apparently you threw up too... You're one of the strongest drinkers I know and you're also one of the biggest stoners I know so you must have literally pushed yourself to your limits if you chundered. You already said you were feeling ill so why would you do this to yourself? Eugh. Fucking dumb and immature. If I was there, I would have tried to take care of you... Even if you would have rejected me. But unfortunately I had already passed out. But be careful and look after yourself. You horrible person that I still stupidly care for.