Relationships aren't easy. Long distance relationships definitely aren't. Each couple are different and each relationship is unique. When you stop trying or one half can't commit, that's when it all falls apart.

I was one of the happiest people before. I had a boyfriend who meant the world to me. He showed me the meaning of happiness and I finally had a reason to believe I could belong in this world. Sure, there have been ups and downs, but it's normal. I wouldn't change them for a thing. They happened because we both fucked up. We did things that hurt the other person as defence. But that's how you grow and learn.

From then on, I just kept fighting harder for this to work. Of course there are things I hate that he does. I swallow my pride and I swallow that annoyance he brings with his actions and I try to forgive. I try to be understanding. I try. I really do. But sometimes, there comes a point where you can't tolerate shit anymore. Where everything can't  be his way. Where you become tired of believing empty promises.

That's where I am today. I'm so fed up. I'm so tired. I feel like I'm dating myself. Every memory just feels like I made it up in my head. He's a totally different person now. I thought I could change him but it's true. You can't change a person no matter how determined you are. No matter how you try to win them over, no matter how genuine you are,  it means nothing to them.

He now complains because I cry from being hurt by him. He complains and says I'm stroppy and sulky because I asked him not to text his friends or check the news whilst I have 10 mins to Skype him. He hates reading my long messages but he doesn't let me Skype him longer than 10 mins as he has to go to the gym and there's so much for me to say. He hates being bombarded with messages but he chooses to ignore and not reply to my messages even when he's online, which makes me worry and panic more. His biggest solution is to tell me to chill and relax. The thing is I am chilled and relaxed. I'm very calm. He has excuses upon excuses. He's a real dick I know. He's immature and lame. He's selfish and fucked up. But I still fucking love him. Stupidly I can't stop myself from trying.

What the fuck can I do? I've begged him, I've asked him nicely, I've yelled at him but he doesn't give a fuck. Someone tell me what to do. I don't even know anymore. I just need a hug. Just one hug. One that tells me I will be fine.